


Reclaim Our Innocence

by pickledpixies



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Homeless Frank, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, but its cute, probably cheesy as hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-20 21:57:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2444615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pickledpixies/pseuds/pickledpixies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank is homeless and the Way brothers take him in, despite having their own problems to deal with as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Started writing this as a way of procrastinating and then I realised I had like 4 chapters written so I figured I'd put it here, I'll put the rest up gradually so its not just those 4 chapters and then nothing for ages  
> Sorry it might be awful I haven't written a fic in a long time. Also apologies for typos!

Gerard scrolled through his ipod on his way home from work, his headphones plugged in and the sound of The Smiths booming into his ears, barely paying attention to where he was going. He pulled his scarf a little closer to his chin, trying to keep out the cold of the late December New Jersey air. It was getting dark out and there was a blanket about six inches deep of snow covering everything. He shivered a little as he trudged his boots through the snow, wanting to get home before the blizzard that was forecast for the night hit. Losing his balance, Gerard felt himself tripping over, breaking his fall with his hands but dropping his phone into the snow.

"Fuck," He muttered to himself, rummaging around for his phone, glad to find that it appeared to not be broken from the incident, and went to push himself up, his knee stinging a bit from grazing against the ground. He swore again under his breath when he saw he'd ripped his favourite pair of jeans at the knee and the skin was scraped off his knee, a small amount of blood mingling with the snow on the ground. He looked around, seeing what he could have tripped on as he pushed himself up from the snow covered ground, seeing a pile of plastic bags and rags of fabric just beneath his feet. He squinted for a second, and then looked a bit closer, seeing that what he had tripped on was in fact a person huddled beneath a couple of threadbare blankets.

"Fuck, shit man, shit did I hurt you are you ok?" Gerard gabbled, bending back down to kneel in front of the person.

The person looked up like they were just noticing Gerard there for the first time, and slowly shook their head. Gerard looked down and his eyes met those of a man around his age, possibly a bit younger, although his skin was so gaunt and sunken around his eyes it made it hard to tell. His cheeks were a violent shade of red from the cold, and he was biting onto a piercing through his lips, which were slightly blue around the edges. His hazel eyes looked a scared, hidden partially beneath wisps of dark brown hair sticking out from under the black beanie he had on. Gerard looked around and saw that the man was clutching onto a small polystyrene cup with a few coins in it, mostly pennies, definitely not more than a dollar in total, the coins jingling against each other as his hands shivered. 

"Shit," Gerard muttered to himself again before addressing the man, "Do you, uh... have you got anywhere you can stay tonight?" He asked, realising it was probably a stupid question. Of course he didn't, Gerard thought to himself, why would anyone be outside freezing half to death if they had a place to stay.

As Gerard had expected, the man shook his head slowly again. "S-s-shelter w-was f-f-full," He stammered out, his voice shivering. 

Gerard just nodded, scanning his eyes over the man, seeing how small he was. He looked like he hadn't eaten properly in weeks, which of course, Gerard realised, he probably hadn't. Gerard rubbed his eyes and chewed at the inside of his lip as he thought about what he should do. This guy really didn't look like he was going to survive the night outside once the blizzard hit, and Gerard couldn't have that weighing on his conscience. He had to do something but he didn't know what. His first thought was to give the guy money for a motel for a couple of nights until the storm passed, but money was tight and Gerard definitely didn't have the spare $40 or however much a motel room would cost for a few nights. Gerard definitely wasn't in the business of taking complete strangers into his home, but the desperation Gerard saw in the man's eyes tugged at his heart.

"Y-you.. you could stay at my house, if you wanted to," Gerard heard himself saying, before his brain had really processed what his mouth was doing, "Nothing weird, or anything like that, it's just..." He trailed off, not quite sure how he should word it but knowing that 'you look like you're going to actually freeze to death if you stay out here' was probably not the best way. "It's just... you look like you could use a place to crash." He said eventually. 

The man's eyes opened wide, seemingly taken aback by the offer, "O-oh, I... I c-couldn't..." He stuttered out.

Gerard shook his head quickly in response, "No it's fine, really. It's just... with the blizzard coming and all, you probably should be inside somewhere." He said, standing up and extending his hand to the man to help him stand, wanting to get out of the snow as soon as possible. "I'm Gerard," He said softly, "I only live a couple of blocks from here, it's not far."

"I-I'm F-Frank," The man stammered as he took Gerard's hand, Gerard only then realising that Frank's whole body was trembling with cold, his fingertips bright red poking out from the top of a pair of very well worn fingerless gloves. Frank had a bit of trouble standing up, his toes numb from the snow despite the fact that he was wearing boots, his legs threatening not to uncurl from the position he had be huddled in for hours. Eventually he stood up, a little lightheaded from lack of food. Gerard offered him a small smile as he took his own warm coat off and slipped it around Frank's shoulders, figuring Frank, shielded from the cold only by a jumper and threadbare blankets, needed it more than he did.

Frank took the coat, grateful for the warmth it provided, allowing the constant shivering convulsions of his body to calm slightly. He picked up his scuffed and soaked-through canvas backpack from the ground as Gerard put his arm round him to help him stand, before leading him the rest of the way to the apartment. They were silent the whole way there, Frank wondering the whole way why this stranger was being so nice to him when most people treated the dog shit on the curb better than they did him, wondering if it was a trap, or perhaps simply a hallucination. Gerard on the other hand was trying desperately to block out the part of his mind screaming at him that he was making a terrible mistake letting the stranger into his house. He could be a serial killer for all Gerard knew. A shudder shot through his body but Gerard couldn't tell if it was from the thought he'd just had or from the cold without his jacket. Frank pretended not to notice Gerard shudder, tried to ignore it so he wouldn't feel so guilty about taking the kind stranger's coat. Neither of them felt entirely comfortable with the situation at hand, but Gerard wasn't going to leave someone outside to freeze in what was meant to be the biggest snowstorm to hit New Jersey that year, and Frank wasn't going to pass up the chance of a night inside, so both set aside their doubts for the time being.

They reached Gerard's building, slower than Gerard would have on his own as Frank wasn't particularly steady on his feet, Gerard keeping his arm round Frank to support him the whole way there. He opened the door and led the way through to his apartment. Gerard had never been so grateful to live on the ground floor, he had no idea how Frank would have managed with stairs. He opened the door to the apartment and ushered Frank inside. Frank looked around taking in the space. It was cluttered yet bare at the same time, things still in boxes like the apartment hadn't been lived in for long, but it looked homey and to Frank in that moment it looked like the best place in the world that he could imagine being.

"Sorry for the mess," Gerard said as he saw Frank looking around, although realising that Frank probably wouldn't care, "My brother and I, we moved in a few months ago but we're both working so much these days that we never really finished unpacking."

Frank just nodded and continued looking around as he followed Gerard into the open-plan kitchen and living room, looking around at the posters for bands and old horror movies covering the walls. The living room had none of the boxes that the hallway had and looked comfortably lived in, two deep red sofas placed in an L shape around a dark wood coffee table which was full of pens and bits of paper and empty coffee mugs, and an old boxy TV in the corner. Frank was actually thankful it wasn't the tidiest house in the world as he felt like he stuck out less here. Gerard sat Frank down on the sofa and took a grey wool blanket draped over the armrest and put it round Frank's shoulders before making his way to the kitchen area and making a pot of coffee, re-emerging a few minutes later with a mug for himself and one for Frank. Taking the hot drink in his hands, Frank willed himself to stop shivering. He was nowhere near as cold as he's been outside but the apartment seemed to not have any heat on and his clothes, soaking wet from melted snow, were freezing against his skin.

"You should probably change out of those clothes," Gerard said softly, disappearing again for a couple of minutes, leaving Frank to sip his coffee and bite awkwardly on his lip ring until Gerard reappeared, a pair of black sweatpants and an Iron Maiden t-shirt that was possibly once black but was now a muted sort of grey now in his hands. "Do you want a shower or something? The hot waters on if you do, here, I'll show you where the bathroom is."

Frank nodded again and placed his now half empty coffee mug down on the table before standing up on his shaking legs. He wished he wasn't so nervous, too nervous to speak, but terrified that if he didn't Gerard would think him horribly rude and retract his offer of a place to stay. He followed Gerard down the hallway, Gerard walking slowly for Frank to keep up, until they got to the bathroom. 

"Just through there," Gerard smiled, pushing the door open for Frank, "The top tap is the one for the shower, um.. use any of the shower stuff you want, there's shampoo and all that," He added before handing Frank the sweatpants and t-shirt he'd gotten for him, "You can use that navy blue towel hanging up."

Frank managed to squeak out a small "Thank-you," before going into the bathroom and closing the door, turning to see himself in the mirror and gasping a little in disbelief. It had been a while since he'd properly looked in a mirror, around about a month or so he thought, but the man staring back at him was almost unrecognisable. His skin was rough and patchy, deep grey bags sagging under his once lively eyes, a couple of cuts and bruises on the side of his face. But mostly, there was just dirt. Layers of grime embedded into his skin that he had been completely unaware of. He sighed, turning away from the mirror and towards the shower, turning it on with his still-shivering hand, careful not to make the water too hot for fear of burning his frozen skin. He pealed off his wet clothes, shivering more violently as he did so, before climbing into the bathtub and standing under the warm stream of water. He stood there, not moving at all, for far longer than he ever remembered standing still in a shower before, letting the water fall down on him and warm his skin. Eventually, when his shivering had almost subsided, he picked up the shower gel and scrubbed at every inch of his body, removing months worth of dirt from the streets, watching the water turn dark grey as it swirled down the drain. 

As the warm water pounded down over his body, Frank tried not to think too much about anything. He tried not to think too much about all the shit that had happened which meant he'd been unable to enjoy the simple luxury of a warm shower for the best part of a month, tried not to think about any of the shit he'd been through that had landed him in the position of needing to be taken pity on by a kind stranger. He felt tears escape his eyes, mixing with the shower water as he blinked them away, trying to trick himself into thinking he'd just gotten some water in his eyes. He sighed, sliding down to the floor, sitting back and hugging his knees into his chest as sobs wracked his weakened body. He wasn't quite sure how long he spent crying like that, but the next thing he knew there were knocks and a concerned voice calling in through the closed door.

"Frank? Are, uh, are you ok? Only, you've been in there ages,"

Frank swallowed his tears, pushing himself up to stand and splashing the shower water over his tear stained face, "O-oh, y-yeah sorry, e-everything's fine," He called back quickly, unable to stop his voice from trembling. He turned the water off and stepped out of the tub, taking the towel Gerard had said to use and wrapping it around himself, noticing he had started shaking again. He dried himself quickly, not daring to let himself look in the mirror again, before pulling on the clothes Gerard had given him. The sweatpants were far too big for his malnourished body and Frank had to tighten the cord quite a lot just to keep them up, and the t-shirt swamped his small frame, but they were dry and soft and warm, and Frank was starting to feel like a person again. 

 


	2. Two

 

Gerard was sitting on the sofa when Frank returned to the living room, a mug of coffee in his hand and a new full one beside him for Frank. Frank put his soaked clothes down on top of his backpack in the corner, careful not to let them touch the floor, knowing if he had been encased in grime his clothes were almost definitely filthy. 

"Here, let me put those in the wash for you, they'll be dry by morning," Gerard said, standing up and making his way over to Frank.

"Oh, it's okay, really, you d-don't have to do a-all t-this," Frank replied, cursing himself internally for stammering. His hands were trembling again but he wasn't sure if it was from the cold deep set in his bones or from the nerves that were flooding his body. 

"It's no trouble, really," Gerard smiled, taking Franks clothes and turning to the washing machine next to the sink and placing them inside, "Anything else you've got in your bag I can throw in the wash too."

Frank just nodded in response, unzipping his backpack and taking out a couple of crumpled, dirty t-shirts and a damp jumper. Gerard took them silently and put them into the washing machine, noting in his head how little Frank owned. He put the washing machine on before going over to the stove to check on the pan Frank noticed on the hob.

"I'm just making some mac and cheese, because, well, you looked like you could probably do with something to eat. Sorry it's just pasta, we haven't really got much food in right now," Gerard said as he stirred the pan, well aware he was doing that thing he always hated that he did where he filled silences with too many words. He knew Frank was probably feeling somewhat nervous and that was why he was so quiet, his nerves taking the opposite manifestation to Gerard's.

"Oh, t-thank-you.. you r-really didn't h-"

"Have to, yeah I know," Gerard replied, turning round with a smile, although cringing a little as he turned to see Frank blushing, worried he's made him even more nervous.

Frank just dipped his head and didn't reply. He really was grateful for everything Gerard was doing for him, he just wished he had the ability to tell Gerard that. He sighed, retreating back into his own head for a while until he felt tears prickling threateningly at his eyes. He pulled himself back to the real world and blinked his eyes a few times to clear out the tears, hoping Gerard wouldn't notice. He watched as Gerard drained the pasta and stirred in the neon orange packet of powdered cheese with milk and butter to the saucepan and spooned it into two bowls, one portion considerably larger than the other. He handed Frank the larger bowl along with a glass of water and led the way back to the sofas.

Frank noticed his stomach growling at him as he took the food through to the lounge. He could barely remember the last time he ate, let alone the last time he'd eaten a proper meal. He took his seat next to Gerard on the sofa, Gerard passing him the blanket again as he sat down which Frank gladly took, realising he was still shaking. Frank ate quickly and hungrily, the way Gerard expected someone who probably hadn't eaten a decent meal in months to eat. Frank shovelled spoonful after spoonful of delicious, warm pasta into his mouth, filling up his empty stomach for the first time in days. He finished his food quickly, long before Gerard finished his portion about half the size of Frank's. He gulped down the water, before setting the empty glass back down and relaxing into the warmth of the blanket.

"How're you feeling?" Gerard asked, turning to Frank as he set down his own empty bowl on the coffee table.

"Better," Frank replied with a small smile, "Definitely a lot better, thank-you."

"I'm glad," Gerard smiled, noticing it was the first time Frank had spoken to him without stammering. Either he had finally warmed up enough to stop his voice shivering, or he had finally relaxed, and either or both were just fine as far as Gerard was concerned.  Gerard wanted desperately to ask Frank about his life, to find out more about the man who was, for the time being at least, sharing his house, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. Frank had been through enough for today without having to put up with an interrogation, Gerard thought, so instead he just hummed a little, trying to think up the least intrusive question he could to fill the silence. "So, um, how old are you?" He asked eventually.

"Twenty-three," Frank replied, his voice returning to the quiet nervousness it had before.

"A bit younger than Mikey then," Gerard hummed, mostly to himself, only realising he'd said it aloud when he noticed Frank looking at him quizzically, "Oh, uh, my kid brother, well, not kid anymore I guess but younger," Gerard rambled, "He lives here too but he's working night shifts at the diner down the street, cos they pay time and a half for nights leading up to Christmas so he's working pretty much round the clock right now. See I got this new job, interning for this comic book place, and it's a great opportunity and everything but it pays fuck all. I wasn't gonna take it cos it's not fair that Mikey has to work these awful hours so we can make rent but he pretty much told me he wouldn't let me turn the job down." Gerard bit his tongue to stop himself from talking, annoyed with himself for his inability to know when to stop. 

"That's nice of him," Frank replied. Frank, on the other hand didn't mind Gerard's ramblings at all. The bit they don't tell you about living on the streets is that it gets fucking lonely, Frank thought, and he'd been deprived of conversation for so long he didn't mind one bit just listening to someone else talk to him. 

"Yeah, he's a good kid," Gerard smiled, "He wont be back from work until like 7am though, later maybe what with the storm," He added, looking out of the window.

Frank followed his gaze, realising for the first time that the blizzard had most definitely hit. Thick sheets of snow lined the streets, swirling through the air so fast it was hard to see very far at all. Frank shuddered a little, ever more grateful for Gerard and the four walls and a roof that now surrounded him. 

"Are you tired?" Gerard asked, pulling Frank out of his thoughts, "It's getting pretty late." 

Looking over at the clock on the wall, Frank saw it was nearing 2am. He was tired, exhausted in fact. It had been a long time since he'd been able to get a night at the shelter and even there it was hard to get a decent nights sleep in a room full of thirty or so other snoring people, sleeping clutching onto all of his belongings for fear of them being stolen. Not that he blamed anyone there for stealing anything, he'd thought about it before, seeing new people sleeping with thick jumpers folded up at the end of their beds, but he could never quite bring himself to.

"You can take my room, I can sleep in Mikey's till he gets home. Just cos he'd freak the fuck out if he came home and found someone he didn't know sleeping on the couch."

Frank nodded, feeling bad for taking Gerard's room from him but he was too tired to argue, overcome by the prospect of a warm bed in a room by himself and the decent night's sleep that would go with it. Gerard led Frank to his bedroom, the door just next to the bathroom, holding onto Frank to stop him from stumbling as he walked. 

"Sorry it's such a mess," Gerard said, pushing the door open for Frank. Clothes littered the floor along with pens and pencils and sheets of paper and sketchbooks, along with a few unpacked boxes still piled in the corner.  

"I-it's not.. I mean, d-don't be," Frank replied, his eyes stuck to the floor, "T-thank you so much," He added, raising his head a little to look at Gerard.

"No problem," Gerard smiled, "Goodnight, sleep well, there's extra blankets just over there, it gets pretty cold here at night but, well, heat is expensive," He added, gesturing to a couple of blankets in the pile of clothes on the floor.

"Thank-you, g-goodnight," Frank replied as Gerard closed the door behind him.

Alone in the room, Frank sighed, trying to force himself to relax. Gerard was being nicer to him than Frank could remember anyone being in, well, ever, and yet Frank still couldn't bring himself to relax. He felt himself start shaking again and bit onto the back of his hand until he stopped, annoyed with himself for letting his anxiety get the better of him. He crawled into the bed, resting his head on the fluffy pillows and pulling the soft Batman duvet up to his chin. He though about how long it had been since he had slept in a room on his own and felt a wave of sadness wash over him again, tears stinging at his eyes as they ran down the side of his face. He curled up onto his side, clinging on tightly to the duvet, and cried into the pillow, wishing he could just fall asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay second chapter! Please lemme know if you like the story!  
> Also sorry again for typos


	3. Three

 

"Are you fucking serious Gerard?"

"Mikey, you should have seen him!"

"You brought a fucking stranger into our house what the fuck are you playing at?"

Frank rubbed his eyes, bleary from sleep, taking a second to realise where he was. It took him another moment too to clock onto the screaming match coming from the room across the hallway to the one he was sleeping in. Pushing himself out of bed, Frank tiptoed towards the door so he could hear what was going on, although as soon as he could make out words he wished he hadn't tried to hear. 

"Mikey come on, he looked like he was going to fucking die in the storm or something."

"And how was that your problem? Fucking christ Gee, what the fuck were you thinking, he could be a fucking axe murderer for all you know!"

Clearly Gerard's brother didn't want him in the house, Frank thought, sighing as he looked out the window, the blizzard still raging on. But he'd had a good nights sleep and a meal and a warm shower, and even if he wasn't welcome here any longer at least he'd had that, he thought. Very carefully he pushed open the bedroom door, trying his hardest not to make a sound as he made his way into the living room. He saw his clothes, clean and dry, folded up on the counter above the washing machine. Gerard must have stayed up later than him, he though, guilt filling him as he though of what a burden he'd been already. He picked up his backpack which had dried overnight and shoved most of his things in it, keeping out his jeans, a faded dark red t-shirt, and his warmest jumper - a brown wool cardigan which was slightly moth eaten at the sleeves. Taking his things into the bathroom, he changed quickly into his own clothes and splashed some water onto his face, before folding up Gerard's borrowed sweatpants and t-shirt and leaving them next to the bath.

His backpack now swung over his shoulder, Frank was about to leave the house before yet more guilt took over him. He couldn't leave without thanking Gerard for everything he'd done for him, and so, his heart thumping in his chest and trembles taking over his body, Frank approached the door with the screaming voices inside.

"Fuck, couldn't you have just put him up in a motel? Did you have to fucking bring him here? You don't even know anything about him!"

"Like we can fucking afford a motel!"

Frank gulped, raising his trembling hand and knocking on the door. It flew open in a matter of seconds, revealing a very flustered looking Gerard and a taller, skinnier man standing behind him, a scowl on his face slightly obscured by the black and white frames of a pair glasses with bits of his straightened hair poking through the sides of the frames.

"Shit, did we wake you up?" Gerard asked, before noticing Frank was dressed in his own tattered clothes with his backpack over his shoulder and boots on his feet.

"I-I, um, I j-just wanted to say t-thank-you, f-for everything," Frank stammered out, before turning towards Mikey, although his eyes still fixed towards the ground, "I-I'm s-sorry for intruding, I-I'll be out your w-way now," He added, wishing he had a way to not sound quite so pathetic. 

"What? No you don't have to go!" Gerard said quickly, turning and shooting a glance that Frank couldn't see at his brother.

Frank looked up and saw Mikey sigh, rubbing his hand to his eyes, his mannerisms so similar to his brother it seemed uncanny to Frank. "Ah shit," Mikey muttered as Frank watched as the scowl dissolved from his face, "Yeah, no, you can stay, I'm not gonna kick you out into a fucking storm, man," He said, a little louder with what Frank assumed was meant to be a small reassuring smile, "Like, this isn't anything against you being here, I'm just not good with new people.. or like surprises and shit," He added with a sigh. 

Frank nodded, unsure as to if he should argue or not. On the one hand, of course he wanted to stay inside, but he hated the idea of making Mikey uncomfortable in his own home, "S-still, if it's gonna m-make you u-uncomfortable..." Frank said eventually, staring at his feet.

"Then... I'll have to learn how to deal with that," Mikey replied, turning to look at his brother for reassurance.

"Yeah," Gerard smiled, approaching Mikey and pulling him into a hug, "Proud of you, little brother,"

"Oh fuck off," Mikey replied, laughing and pushing Gerard off of him before turning to Frank and ushering him in through the door, "Come, sit, tell us about yourself."

"Mikes, it's like stupid o'clock in the morning, let him sleep before you interrogate him," Gerard cut in.

"N-no, i-it's fine, I'm a-awake," Frank replied, tentatively stepping inside the room, wondering if it would perhaps just be easer to bolt out into the snowstorm. Of course Mikey would ask questions, if he had a problem with strangers, and one was in his house, of course the easiest thing to do would be to make them not a stranger anymore. Easiest for Mikey at least, Frank thought as he felt his stomach spin with a sort of nauseous anxiety, dreading the idea of having to tell anyone anything about his life. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to pretend none of the shit ever happened and run away from it as far as possible.

Frank sat down where Mikey gestured at the end of the bed, taking his boots off and crossing his legs, trying to warm his bare toes. It bothered him a little how easily he seemed to get cold when the others seemed totally fine, having to remind himself that it probably had something to do with his lack of body mass from malnutrition. Gerard picked up a blanket off the floor and placed it over Frank's legs, giving his shoulder a light supportive squeeze and sitting down next to him. Mikey sat facing them with his back against the headboard, looking slightly uncomfortable but not angry at all anymore.

"Sorry, I know it's personal or whatever but I've gotta ask, what like, happened? Your life and stuff, how'd you wind up... y'know?" Mikey asked, biting at his lip as he did.

Gerard tutted at his brothers ever present bluntness, "Shit, Mikes, you can't start with small talk?" He sighed.

"N-no, it's fine," Frank interjected. If he was going to have to tell them eventually, he may as well get it over and done with. He sighed, trying to figure out where to start, or what parts he should leave out, biting nervously at his lip ring, "I was... I was seeing this guy, my, um, ex, I guess. He was sweet and all to start with, but he like properly fucked me up, y'know? Like, stopped me from talking to people, guilt-tripped me I guess? Like he'd make me feel bad for wanting to see or talk to any of my friends, until eventually I didn't have anyone left but him. It um, it took me till about then to realise what he was doing, isolating me so I had to stay with him. I guess I was just kinda dense, or like, I didn't want to see what was happening maybe,"

He trailed off, staring at his hands, not daring to look up. He'd never said any of this out loud before, he'd never have anyone to say it to. But now there we're two people who wanted to know, who wanted him to talk, and that was both reassuring and terrifying all at once. He felt Gerard's hand tap on his shoulder and offer him tissues, only then realising that he was crying.

"I mean, it took a while, for me not to have anyone else left," He carried on slowly, wiping his eyes, "Like, maybe six months or so, where I didn't notice anything wrong. He made me feel like I needed him, like he was the only one I could trust. And then everything started going to shit. He'd get mad at me for everything, getting home late from work, texting one of my old friends, looking at someone as I walked down the street. He, um, he'd hit me, and stuff, y'know? But by then... I didn't have anyone to turn to or anywhere to go and it felt like my fucking life would fall apart if I left. So I stayed, for another year, until I couldn't deal with it any longer.  Until like maybe... maybe two months ago? The day before my birthday, end of October, I just couldn't fucking take it anymore so I packed a bag and I ran, I fucking ran as far as I could go and I got on a bus to get as far away as I could. Only, I didn't think through what I was gonna do after I left. I didn't have anyone left I could call, I didn't have a way to call anyone anyways. I stayed in a motel for a while until I ran out of money, I tried to get a job but no luck, and then once you're living on the street it becomes sorta fucking impossible to get a job - like a goddamn catch 22 I guess, y'know?"

Frank wiped his eyes, biting down on his lips hard until he tasted blood in his mouth, angry with himself for spilling his entire fucking life story to two people he'd only just met. They didn't need to know that much, he thought to himself, they didn't need the fucking details. Yet still, despite all the self loathing building inside the pit of his stomach, Frank had to admit there was something nice about not having the weight of his life weighing on his shoulders alone, something oddly comforting about being able to say it all out loud and have people listen. 

"Shit, man," Mikey broke the silence that had fallen over the room, Frank looking up to see he was rubbing his eyes again, though now within them was this new layer of sympathy that twisted into Frank's gut like daggers. Gerard put his arm round Frank's shoulders, pulling him into a sort of half-hug. Mikey reached over to the nightstand and picked up a pack of cigarettes and an ashtray, placing the ashtray next to him on the bed and lighting a cigarette, passing the pack to Frank and then Gerard, both of whom accepted and lit their own.

They fell into a silence that wasn't entirely awkward as they smoked, only to be broken a few minutes later again by Mikey, "I could probably get you a job at the diner, they're always hiring pretty much, I can put in a good word for you, give them here as an address, just till you get back on your feet," Mikey mused, ashing his cigarette, partially unaware he was talking out loud. 

"Really?" Frank asking, his eyes lighting up. Maybe his life was getting back on track, maybe he was getting out of all the shit that had happened over the last couple of years, maybe things were going to start looking up.

"Yeah man, after Christmas I can ask, I think we've got a couple of people leaving around then."

"Christmas?" Frank asked quizzically. Truth be told he'd not really been paying attention to dates, but he knew it had been a couple of months since his birthday so it did make sense that it was nearing Christmas. Frank had never been a big fan of Christmas anyway, it always seemed to bring with it a sort of crushing depression, maybe ignoring it was the best thing to do. 

"Y'know, big old holiday, presents, food, Santa? That thing happening tomorrow?" Gerard grinned.

"Only, we're not really doing Christmas this year," Mikey added, shooting a look across to Gerard, "I'm working then anyway, they pay like double. But yeah, I'll see about getting you a job. Don't worry, shit will work out."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Probably going to slow down a bit with updates now until I've written more but I'll update within the new few days. Hope you like the chapter please let me know if you do :)


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this story has started taking a bit of a different direction but I'm just sticking and figuring out what happens as I go along! Hope you like it!

Gerard sat in the living room alone, holding onto a mug of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. It had been a couple of hours since their chat in Mikey's room. Frank had gone back to nap in Gerard's room, physically and emotionally drained from talking and crying, while Mikey not long after had crashed in his own room. That was the trouble with these round the clock hours he's been working, Gerard sighed, he so rarely saw his brother for more than an hour or so at a time these days. Still, it was Christmas eve, however much Mikey wanted it not to be, and Gerard way now off work until the 27th. Three whole days, he thought, a twinge of guilt hitting him when he realised Mikey had no such holiday. He was working an earlier shift today, 5pm-1am, and then working most of Christmas day when he'd be home around 8 in the evening. Gerard had his holiday schedule memorised, trying to find the time to sneak in the presents he'd secretly been saving up to buy Mikey for months.  

He sighed, looking up at the clock and seeing it was still only 11am. He grabbed a piece of paper from the coffee table and scrawled out a quick note:

_Gone to the shops cos we're all out of food, be back in a couple of hours.  
_ _Frank, if you need anything just knock on Mikey's door.  
_ _G xxx_

Pulling on his coat, gloves, hat, and scarf, Gerard braced himself for the blizzard outside. It wasn't far to the nearest shop, just a block down the street, but Gerard wished they'd had the forethought to get enough food in before the storm hit. Not that it would have been much good if they had, Gerard sighed, what with the extra mouth to feed now. Not that Gerard minded, it was just, with their current financial situation it was going to be a bit of a struggle. He looked down at his boots, scuffed and falling apart, remembering the money he'd set aside for a new pair. Well, new boots were going to have to wait, he thought, he could go without, it would all be okay in the end.

Stepping out into the storm, Gerard all but ran down the street, careful not to trip again, trying to get to the store as quickly as possible. No one was outside, the streets completely deserted, everyone either at work, or at home with the heat turned right up. He turned the corner to the shops, shaking off excess snow from his coat and hat as he stepped inside, letting the heated air warm him. He took a shopping cart and pushed it around the store, stocking up on the essentials they'd long since run out of, meticulously careful to stay within budget. His mind wondered to tomorrow, remembering his promise to Mikey that they wouldn't do anything too Christmassy this year. He sighed, deciding that meant he could still do a nice dinner for tomorrow when Mikey got home from work so long as it had none of the traditional Christmas food. He wondered round the store, picking up the ingredients for Mikey's favourite vegetarian lasagne, hoping that would be okay. Neither of them were vegetarian, not really, it was just a lot cheaper to do the shopping without buying meat. 

With his cart full of groceries, Gerard found himself drawn across to the clothing section of the store, without really thinking picking up a pair of black jeans that looked about Frank's size, a baggy black and grey stripy knitted jumper, and a couple of black t-shirts that were on a 2 for 1 offer, along with a few of packs of socks and underwear. He added up in his head how much this would all cost, adding another $20 to the total, nearly double what he'd intended to spend. Still, as long as Gerard didn't buy himself those new boots they could afford it. Pushing the cart over to the cashier, Gerard looked up at a shelf of last minute Christmas gifts, and picked up two boxes of fancy looking chocolates, one for Frank and one for Mikey, and a little grey teddy bear wearing a Santa hat for Frank, just so he'd have at least one gift that wasn't strictly practical. Gerard paid for the shopping with a fistful of crumpled up notes, just about scraping together enough for everything. He sighed, rubbing his eyes and wishing that this wasn't all so hard, before picking up the bags of food and last minute gifts and begrudgingly making his way back out into the storm.

* 

Gerard heard laughter coming from the kitchen as he opened the apartment door. He smiled to himself, glad that Mikey had warmed to Frank, wondering when the last time he'd heard his brother laugh was. He picked up the shopping bags, taking them through to the kitchen.

"Hey Gee," Mikey smiled as Gerard made his way through from the hallway. Both him and Frank were sat on the sofas, Frank with his feet curled up next to him underneath a blanket, each with a mug of coffee and a cigarette in hand, and a half-eaten plate full of buttered toast between them on the coffee table. It was weirdly normal, Gerard thought, all things considered, at least. Frank seemed to be relaxed, at least more than he had last night, and Gerard started to wonder if Mikey having someone else around the house might actually be good for him. Mikey had become so reclusive over the past year, barely leaving the house except to go to work, barely talking to anyone who wasn't Gerard and most definitely not looking so calm around someone he'd only just met.

"Morning," Gerard smiled as he took his snow-covered coat and scarf off and went to unpack the shopping, putting the food items away in the kitchen, before picking up the other bag full of things for Frank, "Frank, I, um, I picked you up a few things, I'll put them with the rest of your stuff in my room, okay?"

Frank looked up from the coffee he was drinking, his wide eyes blinking a couple of times, "G-got me t-things?" Frank repeated, his voice faltering again. This whole people-being-nice thing was harder to get used to than you'd expect and it made Frank nervous. Whenever his ex had been nice to him it was either as a apology or it was the calm before the storm, and both made Frank uneasy.

"Oh, nothing exciting, just like a couple of t-shirts and socks and a toothbrush, that kinda stuff," Gerard smiled, making his way over to his room.

"O-oh, t-thank-you, you d-didn't -"

"Have to, I know," Gerard cut him off again as he had earlier, though this time kicking himself mentally as he remembered how awkward it had made Frank the night before.

This time, however, Frank replied with a shy and quiet, but none the less real, laugh, and Gerard smiled to himself.

Inside his room, Gerard left the socks, t-shirts, underwear and toothbrush next to Frank's backpack, and went and hid the jeans, jumper, chocolates and teddy bear in the back of his closet. He thought for a second about how his gifts to Frank weren't exactly the best Christmas gifts, but time and money were limited and Gerard just wanted to be able to give Frank  _something,_ and regardless, he thought Frank would probably appreciate them none the less.He pulled out a small box from the back of the closet and opened it, revealing a shiny, second-hand (but practically new) iphone. His gift for Mikey. Mikey had had his phone stolen about 6 months ago on his way home from work late one night, and they hadn't been able to afford to replace it with anything decent. Gerard hoped that Mikey would like the gift enough to forget that Gerard was breaking their No Christmas agreement. After all, Gerard sighed, Mikey deserved nice things for once. 

Going back to the living room, Gerard poured himself a mug of coffee and sat down on the sofa across from the others, lighting his own cigarette. There was a comfortable sleepy silence surrounding them and Gerard guessed neither of them had been awake for long. He inhaled his cigarette deeply, warming his hands on his mug as he sipped his coffee. Coffee was like air in the Way household. They could have no money for food or rent and they would always manage to find a way to have good coffee.

"So, um, I was thinking of doing like a nice dinner tomorrow for when you get off work, Mikes, seeing as you're gonna be around in the evening for the first time in a while" Gerard said, careful to keep his voice calm, knowing he was treading on eggshells a little bit, or at the very least around eggshells.

"Gee, we said no Christmas shit," Mikey sighed, his face contorting in a mix of anger and anxiety.

"I know, nothing Christmas-y, just lasagne, and maybe cheesecake," Gerard replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Why do we have to do anything at all?" Mikey shot back, his face growing more and more exasperated. 

"Mikes you've gotta get over this, just cos it's the first Christmas without -"

"Don't! Don't fucking say it, Gee," Mikey cut in, shouting, his voice raw and his eyes on the verge of tears.

"I thought we were past this," Gerard replied softly, getting up and going over to Mikey, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder, "I thought we were working through this... I thought we were getting somewhere."

"Shut up SHUT UP!" Mikey shouted, pushing Gerard's hand off him. He knew Gerard meant well, his did, but he didn't want to be having this conversation, not now, and definitely not in front of Frank. Tears streaming down his face, Mikey pushed himself up from the sofa and stormed off to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"Fuck, Mikey!" Gerard shouted after him, chasing him down the hall to his room and banging on the door,"Mikey open the fucking door!" 

"Fuck off, Gee!" Mikey's voice shouted back, his voice muffled with tears.

"Fuck," Gerard sighed to himself, scrunching up his eyes and he ran his hands through his hair, returning to the sofa next to Frank, almost having forgotten Frank was sitting there he'd stayed so quiet.

Inside his head, Frank was panicking. Dealing with other people's anger had never exactly been his strong point, and it took every inch of willpower he could muster to stop himself turning into the quivering wreck he was feeling like on the inside. He looked over to Gerard, hoping his eyes didn't betray his static exterior. 

"Sorry," Gerard sighed, lighting himself another cigarette and taking a long drag, sighing as he exhaled the smoke, before offering the pack to Frank.

"S-s'ok," Frank replied quietly, worried that if he let sound out of his mouth for too long he'd start to cry, lighting another cigarette to distract himself. 

"It's our parents," Gerard said eventually, breaking the silence, "That's why Mikey freaked out, why the No Christmas thing is happening. Uh, New Years Eve, last year, well, this year, our, um... they were on their way out to a New Years party, and um, and this drunk guy, he crashed his car into theirs. They both died pretty much instantly," Gerard explained, his voice relatively calm, although his face was telling another story entirely, his eyes dark with sadness, "This would be our first Christmas without them, I guess Mikes doesn't want to ruin the memory of last year cos it was the last time we spent proper time together as a family, y'know? But like, he's been through such a shit year, we both have, I don't know, I just wanna do something nice to try and take his mind off it all." 

"I.. I'm sorry," Frank said softly, not knowing what else to say. He studied Gerard's face, all too familiar with the expression on it, knowing it all too well from himself. Gerard was trying as hard as he could not to cry, and by the look of it it was taking all his strength to hold it together.

"Thanks," Gerard replied quietly, his eyes fixed down at his hands, "Only now I've gone and upset Mikey and fuck, that was the last thing I fucking wanted to do, y'know? And now he won't even open the door to talk to me."

Frank didn't say anything, not knowing what else he could say. Instead he continued smoking his cigarette, feeling worse than ever for intruding on this family that had so many of their own problems to deal with. All he'd done was make things more difficult for the brothers, making them stretch their money out to feed him as well as themselves, being here at a time of year that was clearly so painful for the both of them, still grieving the loss of the year before. Gerard sighed, rubbing his face, and Frank was sure he saw tears in his eyes before Gerard pushed himself up off the sofa, mumbling something about going to take a shower, and left Frank alone.


End file.
